What Have I Learned?

As the weeks wind down, and the days become short, I can’t help but ask myself; “What have I learned here?” And right now all I can think to say to such a question is; “I don’t know.”

Coming here I had so many expectations of how God would change me. I kept telling myself how different I would be when I got back. I kept reassuring myself that I would be some solid wall for Christ, an unmovable force solely guided by the Holy Spirit. I mean after all, that is what is supposed to happen you when you go on “missions trips,” right? I regret all of those thoughts, and all of those words, and all of those expectations that I built for myself. I was so foolish to think that that is how God works in our lives. If anything, I have become more aware of my downfalls, and my tiny conception of how the Lord works on this planet. I guess that that is the first step to change, realization, but if step one is not followed by step two, the goal is never reached.

Of course there are moments here when I close my eyes and say, “I see God, that is what you were showing me.” I have seen, and heard more then I ever thought that I would in my whole life, and the knowledge I have gained concerning this country is immeasurably important to my understanding of how this corner of the world works, and how God works in it. Even though, after spending all of this time here, trying my best to serve, and be with the LORD, I have more questions then answers. As I write this I also wonder, “Is that what God wants me to learn?”

For know the only things that are certain to me are Christ’s death and resurrection, and the power of our God.